Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
