Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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