Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this boner is exhausting
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize