i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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