it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
