Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
