just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
