Screwed.edu
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
