Your face is a jimmy john
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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