I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
