Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize