id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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