so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need a beard to bite.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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