so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
