dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
