He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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