I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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