Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
