Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
