The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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