dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
