Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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