For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize