May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's blow job season.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
