Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
