Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
