I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
