Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
