i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
