Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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