fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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