are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
