I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
