Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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