they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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