the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize