I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
