Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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