i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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