i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
