I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
