Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize