I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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