If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also, beer. Big fan.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When are your genitals available?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
