Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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