things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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