saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
