just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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