You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
