sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
