God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
