woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
