I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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