Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
