I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
