another moral hangover. fuck.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
