And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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