lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
