some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
