I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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