What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
