It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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