And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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