Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
