:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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