Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You are a genius and a whore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
