so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can I color on your dick again?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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