I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
where am i from again
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
