There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
