she was so not down for the gang bang
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
