This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
