I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
