she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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