Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
