Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You ate ashes out of my bong
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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