cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
pray to the hookup gods
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
