hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
