You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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