He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
