How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
