I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
